Thoughts of a Dreamer

The Ramblings of a Human Being

2011-03-09T20:44:00.001+04:00

I’ve always believed that my presence and everything that I once believed in will vanish as soon as I my days on this earth will end. I thought that I, a mere human being, amongst billions of others couldn’t amount to something worthwhile unless I do something amazing.

However, now, many years later I realized that that is not necessarily true. If only I could thrust my hand into my chest, and wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. To see the enormity and strength by which it beats; pumping life into my veins. Giving me the power to love, to endure, to smile, to cry, to feel pain and joy and most importantly, to live.

I now know that I am not a footnote in someone else’s story; I am not the scribble on a margin. If life were a novel, I would be the beating heart. So, now I know to never underestimate myself. I am worthwhile, and no matter how insignificant my life might seem, I know that when I leave this world, I would have left an impression that would last an eternity. It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something; a simple piece of evidence that I have lived my life to the fullest.

What if?

2011-01-16T23:28:00.000+04:00

One night I was standing by the beach, gazing at the endless deep blue horizon. The salt scented wind softly caressing my cheeks and lashes, while the blown away grains of sands were tingling my toes.

I thought to myself as I was shifting my gaze to the other blue expanse, “What a wonderful world?“ The night sky dotted with brilliant silver sparkles, turning the sky into a masquerade of light and joy.

As for the tumbling waves, they are and will always be a whole other story. The strength they could inspire if only people observed them a little bit more. How can a thing be so persistent and persevering?

Waves grow, and grow, and finally they crash; however they manage to leap up again with the same vigor, if not more!

I wondered what would happen to the world, if each person managed to be inspired by one speck of beauty in this place called Planet Earth! I’m pretty sure life would have been drastically different than it is now.

What if we peel of the residues that has accumulated over our hearts, and blinded us to the beauty that lies within our grasp?

What if every human being listened to the whispers of the wind?

What if every human being breathed in the aroma of life?

What if every human being looked with his heart of hearts rather than his eyes?

Wouldn’t life have much more meaning to it?

And you told me to..

2011-01-02T23:12:00.002+04:00

“Dream” you said, “Dream and everything will be ok.”

“But the odds are against me, I cant over come them,” I said. “No, the odds are just stepping stones, you have to go on,” you replied.

For a moment I could breath again, and you smiled and told me, “It will be ok.” And I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. Days passed, weeks, and then years, but nothing changed. I became a haunted house of dreams and despair. You were gone, and there was no one else I could trust. Your words lingered in the air around me like specters from the netherworld.

At times I thought of giving up all hope; and sometimes I questioned whether I would ever succeed or not. “Maybe my dreams are not destined to see the light. Maybe I will never see them come to life.”

But, again and again, your words would flash over my mind and I’d remember you smiling at me, and telling me to, “Dream.”

And I Dreamed.

Beautiful Addiction

2010-12-05T17:07:00.003+04:00

Ever since our eyes met, I knew you were the one

The one who will carry me up, and put me down

Who will kiss me good night, and tell me he loves me

Every night, every day, every second of the way

You’ll say you love me, and so do I

You were my prince, my angel in the sky
You were my friend, and you were my foe,
and I knew it all along

You are my beautiful addiction
You carry me up, and put me down
I push you away, and yet, I call you my lover

My beautiful addiction
just say you love me
and let me go

The Stages of Life

2010-11-03T20:03:00.003+04:00

Yesterday, I was a child; today, I am a youth; tomorrow, I’ll be an old woman. Life is but stages, and the passage of time is inevitable. The person I was will never exist again. I reminisce over my previous life, and wish I could go back again, to relive the happy times, and to fix things that went wrong.

Alas, no matter how much I wish to go back and redo things, it will not feel right. Things are never the same again. Experiences change, people change, and most importantly, feelings change.

So I look on ahead of me. Live the moment; and hope for the future.

Old Friend

2010-08-31T23:29:00.000+04:00

He put his ear against the earth and called, “Old friend, come back here; old friend, I miss you.” “I think of you every moment of the day. Oh, restless soul. What have I done to you?”

“Forgive me old friend. I should’ve known better.”

“I wish I could turn back time, and undo everything that I have done. I tried to come clean, but I gave up too soon, and I dragged you with me into the abyss.”

“I watched you burn. I watched you weep, but I pretended not to see.”

“Old friend, forgive me.”

He wakes up at night in a cold sweat. His heart beating fast, he could barely breath. He picks up the phone and tries to call. But reality strikes and he remembers then, that his friend is no longer here.

“Oh weary soul, I loved you. Because of you, I walked through fire and came out alive. But why haven’t you?” He wondered why wasn’t he who died. He missed his friend, his brother, his strength, and raging fire.

He prays here on his knees, to his friend that was once a living soul, and he says: “Old friend, I miss you.”

Please Remember Me

2010-07-31T00:52:00.002+04:00

As the clock is ticking, salvation escapes me. It seems further and further away as I try to grasp its end with my outstretched hands.

I call for it with all my might with no avail. I implore whomever there maybe, to save me from the darkness that shrouds my whole being; turning me into an aimless zombie walking the surface of this earth.

“Somebody, please help me,” I call out…”save me.”
I beg forgiveness for all the sins that I have committed

Oh how fragile is the human heart when faced with such calamity!
“Please remember me; somebody please.”

I have tilled this sorrow deep within me, and this dark night seems endless.
“How shall I prevail?”

“Somebody please remember me. Pray for me. An unfortunate soul drowned in the deepest pits of darkness. A bottomless precipice.”

“Please remember me.”

What about life?

2010-06-18T18:44:00.005+04:00

Life is there to be experienced. Look at the sun; feel the breeze; dance in the rain; remember to smile; don’t fear pain; build your dreams; and fall in love. This is life as it ought to be lived.

Pillar of my Soul

2010-05-18T23:18:00.000+04:00

When I drowned in the depths of darkness
When I lost the last thread of hope
When my faith collapsed and turned into a heap of stones and dust

There you were.
A star leading my way in the midst of a pitch-black night
You were the moon that lit up the night sky with an endless silver light
You were the mighty mountain giving me strength to hold on

In the stillness of the night you came.
Silently into the depths of my soul
“I am here,” you said...“Always here, just bear it a bit more.”

You were my raging fire
driving me foreword to a future I dare not say
to a place I’ve only dreamt of

“I am here,” you said…”just hold on”
“Cast your doubts and go”
“Life is but a test and you shall prevail”
“Just hope and go on. Trust in God and go.”
“Spread your wings and fly”

I was a lost soul
and yet you gave me wings to fly
and put a smile on a face etched with crystal tears.

You are my eyes. You are the blood flowing in my veins. You are the pillar of my soul.

A fighter. That’s what you are.

2010-04-26T19:08:00.002+04:00

Sometimes you put on your armor, and you march into the battlefield with your head held up high. You raise your mighty sword and fight like a lion. The battlefield is your kingdom. You reign over it. You own it.

The fire in your heart lights the night sky a crimson red.

You fight on and on, and you triumph against all odds.

At other times you struggle. You could barely lift your sword. Your shield weighs you down, and you falter. Your terrified you might lose. You cry tears of blood, and your wounds reopen. “What then?” you ask yourself. “What then?”

You go on fighting. You keep on moving. You came this far ahead and you can’t stop now. So, you fight.

You fight, when the sun is high in a cloudless sky.

You fight, in the midst of a great tempest.

You fight, with the strength of a raging fire.

And when you feel that your knees are about to buckle, and you’re about to collapse. Remember that you have been standing all this while, and you wouldn’t die in vain.

At least you fought till the end.

You lived a fighter. You died a fighter, and you shall be remembered as one, because that’s what you are.

The Boy with the Lemon Hair

2010-04-05T23:49:00.003+04:00

His corpse lay under the rubble. A mound of broken bricks and shattered glass. The remnants of a neighborhood that is no longer.

His ashen face looking up at the sky as if asking whomever there may be, “Why?”..“Why did this have to happen?”

It was so peaceful, yet everything had to come tumbling down.

The bombs hit. A blinding white lights up the night sky. A thundering sound shakes heaven and earth, and then silence. Death creeps closer and starts tearing away life, one by one like picking out flowers in the field.

A girl comes closer and kneels next to the boy. Calls his name with no avail. Silence is all she hears. She shakes his body, and yet he doesn’t stir. Lifeless, he stares at the empty sky for a tomorrow that will never come.

His love, killed before it blossomed. His kiss, taken away abruptly. His dreams buried before they saw the light.

She will never hear “A kiss saumensch?” from the boy with the lemon hair again.

Inspired by: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

A Simple Question

2010-03-21T23:04:00.003+04:00

“What’s the best thing one can do with his lips?” asked the wise man.

“Talk with it,” said the young man.

“No,” said the wise man.

“Then its eating” the young man said.

“No,” the wise man said with a sigh.

“Then what is it?” asked the young man

“Think a little bit more, and you’ll find the answer. Its easy,” said the wise man.

The young man thought for a little while but he didn’t come up with an answer. “I give up,” he said to the wise man. “Tell me what’s the best thing one can do with his lips.”

“Smile”, said the wise man. “That’s the best thing you could do with your lips.”

The young man smiled.

On loss

2010-03-05T12:14:00.000+04:00

Cover my eyes. Cover my ears
Please don’t tell me your leaving
Please don’t let go and leave me here all alone.
Turn back the clock, and tell me this is a lie,
a nightmare and in time ill wakeup

The night is so long
And I try to be strong
But emotions inside me are swirling
I try to forget, and I try to let go
But the image of your face never leaves me

The feel of your touch, the sound of your voice
Lingers in my heart eternally
We vowed. “Until death do us apart.”
But I still can’t let go even after you left,
up to heaven where you belong.

“I miss the beat of your heart.”

The Countdown

2010-02-13T13:50:00.001+04:00

Thump...thump..thump
You can hear my heart beating
You can hear it beating in my chest.
My life flashes before me, as the countdown to my life closes up
I’m petrified, but that won’t alter reality
Days pass like hours, hours pass like minutes, and minutes pass like seconds
I wonder. Will I see my loved ones again?
Will I be remembered?
Will time erase all traces of my existence?
I say a silent prayer. Time is passing by.
I cling to life, try to stop the countdown, but I’m pushed away
3..2..1..OVER

The Seven Deadly Sins: Pride

2010-01-12T23:59:00.000+04:00

“Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” she said while looking at her reflection in the mirror. “Of coarse no one else but me. I have it all,” she thought. “I’ve got the money, the friends, the fame, and most importantly, I have the looks.” A deep breathy laugh fluttered over her lips, as she was twirling a lock of her hair around her index finger.

“They all want to be me..and why wouldn’t they? Am I not the most beautiful?” she said.

However, in the darkest corner of her room lurked a shadow, which she had failed to see due to her self-absorption.

“My beauty shall last forever. I will make it last forever,” she continued. The shadow crept closer and closer. Behind the headboard of her bed, around its leg, to the chair she was sitting on, behind her mirror, and then it stood still.

“It will last until eternity,” she said. As soon as she uttered those words, the shadow leaped foreword and spun around her neck. She tried to breath, but she couldn’t. She tried to scream, but no voice came out of her throat. The shadow tightened its grip, as her struggle grew weaker and weaker. Finally it let go, as her lifeless body hit the floor, and a thud was heard throughout the house.

The Hope on the Horizon

2009-12-26T18:48:00.003+04:00

Darkness sometimes sweeps the lives of the oppressed. It envelops them whole in an endless void of nothingness. No dreams, no laughter, no chances exist; nothing but the suffocating and ominous aura of those who had given up. They gave up everything; their dreams, their happiness, and their lives with no fight, while lamenting their helplessness. They wish for someone to release them from their misery. But, when will that person come? Who will be their savior? In the midst of their lamentations they had lost sight of the golden rays of the sun that crept out in the horizon; illuminating the darkness that surrounded their lives for so long. But, blinded by their own darkness of heart they failed to see that glimmer of hope that appeared everyday with the rays of the sun. They failed to see the obvious.

Opposites

2009-12-06T11:40:00.004+04:00

As the sun sets in the west; it rises in the east.

As death claims a life; a new one is born elsewhere.

As a tear trickles down a cheek; laughter is heard in the distance.

As a war cry echoes; a cry for peace sounds.

As we feel sorrow; we feel happiness.

Those are opposing things that cannot exist together, yet they cannot exist without each other.

A lifelong dream

2009-11-22T13:42:00.006+04:00

She heard the cheers and applauds of the audience as she descended the flight of stairs that lead her to the stage. It was her first live performance. She was intoxicated with the fact that she, out of all the performers was chosen to perform in front of thousands of people. “This is my moment; I shouldn’t make a single mistake,” she thought. She was ready; until the curtain opened, and the spotlights shone on her. She froze, and didn’t know what to do. She forgot the words of her song; beads of sweat trickled down her spine. The audience hushed now; waited for her to start singing; anticipated her every move. She still didn’t utter a word. But, suddenly, a child came out of nowhere and rushed towards her on the stage while holding a rose. He stopped right in front of her, handed her the rose, grinned and said, “I want to be just like you when I grow up.” He turned around and ran back to where he stood, hidden among the audience. That little act of innocence from the little child brought her back to reality. The reality that she was here to perform for a reason; to make her lifelong dream come true, and that is to perform with all her heart for an audience who will listen and savor every note and sound that comes out of her mouth; and therefore she sang, the song that soothed the heart, expressed what cannot be expressed, and that healed the broken heart.

A split second of eternity

2009-10-29T21:46:00.009+04:00

One of the strangest things about life is that sometimes you get the feeling that you are capable of living forever. This feeling manifests in many different and odd ways. It could be by seeing your child smile for the first time; seeing the sun rise across the horizon; feeling the night breeze on your face; smelling the sweet aroma of a flower; or even by seeing a stranger smiling back at you. However, it’s not the fact of living forever that counts; but the bliss and fulfillment that takes place in that split second of an unattainable dream.

The Harsh Truth

2009-09-07T00:55:00.010+04:00

I opened my eyes to a pitch-black night. My whole body was enveloped in darkness like no other. I tried to feel my way through, but I stumbled and scabbed my knee on the sharp rocks. I stood up and started walking again, but I tripped on yet another rock. Again, I stood up and tried to focus my vision, in a failed attempt to glimpse something that could be my guide.

Suddenly an apparition appeared before me. “Who is it?” I asked my self..I looked harder, and there she was. “Its you” I called with a relief. “Finally someone I know”. But, as I was saying that she suddenly turned away and started walking to what seemed like a flicker of light..“Wait. Where are you going? And what’s that over there?” I called. She didn’t answer, and on and on she went not heeding my calls.

I ran after her trying to follow her into the light, but I bumped into something invisible and fell back. I stood up and ran towards the light, however, I fell back again as I hit that invisible wall front of me. I banged on it with my hands, kicked it, and threw anything my hands grasped towards it, but that thing did not budge nor break.

As fear started to creep into my heart, I started screaming and calling for that apparition to listen to me. “Please listen to me” I called. No answer. I fell on my knees as the tears started trickling down my cheeks.

All of a sudden, the apparition turned around and looked me straight in the eye. “STAND UP” she yelled. Dumbstruck, I just stood there looking at her face. “STAND UP” she yelled more forcefully this time. I stood up, dazed and not knowing what I should do. “Look at yourself” she said, “your pathetic”. I gave no answer, as I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“I don’t understand” I answered back, “Why am I pathetic?”..She snickered and said, “Look at what you’ve done to yourself. And you say you don’t understand!!”. I stared back with the same confused expression on my face. She started talking again. “You!! Called upon this darkness to yourself, and then you had the guts to ask others to help you get out of it”.. “You built your dreams, and then you’ve set the walls that blocked your way from achieving them, while blaming others for standing in your way”. “This darkness you see around you was created by you. That wall you hit just now was built by you”, she said. “That light over there is your only chance. You either break the walls around you with all your might and run to that light before it fades; or just give up now and drown in your own darkness of mind. It’s your choice. Fight for what you want or just give up this instant.”

At that moment it struck me. The painful truth that I had pushed away for so long, had tore away at my heart as I realized my own stupidity. All those years that I spent lamenting my unfulfilled dreams were a result of my own lack of real determination. I decided then and there to fight. To fight for my dreams or die trying. I raised my head to look at the apparition, but she was already gone with no trace of her ever being there.

I fought with all my might to break that wall and to dissipate the darkness that shrouded my mind for so long. Again, and again, and again I fought. Not giving up, until that wall was shattered, and that flicker of light shone brighter and brighter. Finally, the light enveloped me whole into its womb to give birth to my new self.

The new self that believed in dreams and that they do come true with perseverance, patience, and courage.

Remember this: Fight for your dreams or die trying.

Lost

2009-09-04T19:15:00.003+04:00

She flipped through the pages of her life looking for a clue to the cause that made her the way she is today. She skimmed the faces she saw, the incidents that happened, the conversations she had; yet an answer did not come.

Why am I like this? What happened to me? Why did I give up hope? When did I lose my way? Why did I go astray? Endless questions forming in her mind, like a whirlwind swaying her here and there, and tossing her from one dead end to another. “Somebody please tell me..help me.” she called. No one answered. No body heard her pleas.

She was lost; utterly lost in the shower of questions she asked. Her life turned into a mystery even she could not unravel; an endless labyrinth that she lost her way in and was leading her to self-destruction.

Her pleas went unanswered as she pleaded over and over again. Not knowing what to look for and what to do, she had no choice but to keep on looking, and asking more questions despite the fear and loss she felt.

However, in the midst of the darkness, a flicker of light appeared. It was the hope in her heart. She clung to it and didn’t let go despite her fear of not finding the answers to her questions. It was the only ray of light that illuminated her path towards her goal no matter how far it was. It led her to the answers after being astray for so long.

Hold on to hope, surely your dream will come true someday.

Little One

2009-07-16T22:19:00.002+04:00

Don’t frown little one

The sun will come out again

Hold your dreams in your heart,

and pray with every tear you shed that they will come true someday

Be strong little one

And hold your head up high

Surely your dreams will come true

And happiness will shine upon you again

Have faith and you will see

That someday you will be loved again

Don’t forget to smile little one

Your sorrow will be over soon

Just wait and you will see

That there is someone for you out there

Who will hold you dear to his heart

and will love you and cherish you for who you are

Little one..

Always keep a prayer in your heart

And remember that you are loved…always.

I Dreamed

2009-05-17T16:34:00.002+04:00

I dreamed a dream once upon a time of a land so far, far away.

Beyond the sky, beyond the stars, beyond the universe,

Of a place I cannot reach.

Where birds are flying, and cherubs are dancing,

Where dreams come true, and life’s worth living,

I dreamed a dream of never ending laughter,

I dreamed a dream of eternal happiness and serenity,

Of a world without hate and grief

Where I was young, and I was happy

I heard a voice as soft as breeze.

Calling me there, to that world beyond me

Come to me and let me take you,

To that world you’ve always yearned for

I looked around for that voice around me

And saw an angel right there beside me

I reached out my hand, and flew away to that world beyond me.

Dreams on Fire

2009-04-01T18:10:00.004+04:00

I saw my dreams on fire

Burning away, turning into dust, and scattered by the wind

to a place I cannot reach nor go to

A transparent wall standing in my way..

I can see them, and admire them but I’m forbidden from touching them..and realizing them.

They were gone, and I could never get them back.

My heart’s aching, I cannot breath; my visions blurring, I cannot see; my tears falling, washing away whatever hope I had; my body’s trembling, as I see them drift away to a place I cannot reach

They are my dreams, my magic in the world and my hope in an unforgiving and harsh world.

They’re gone..

They are gone, but I cant help clinging to them..to the end

Greif

2009-03-03T21:58:00.000+04:00

It all came rushing back to me. Like a tidal wave, sweeping me off my feet and tossing me unto the sharp rocks. Piercing every inch of my body and flesh. Tearing me apart, limb-by-limb until nothing is left of me but shreds and pieces.

All the things that happened to me and I thought were long gone..came back pushing through the whirlwind in my mind..

What should I do? What can I do? How can I make it go away?

I don’t know. I’m lost in my thoughts. Thoughts drenched in darkness, grief, hatred, fear..unbearable pain.

It’s eating me alive. I can’t find my way..I cant fight it. I thought I let go of it long ago. But, it is there glaring at me, tormenting me and reminding me of my failures and flaws.

When will the spark of dawn appear?

O’ star

2009-02-19T15:11:00.002+04:00

She gazed up at the night sky and her soul floated upward, powerless against its seduction. Like a lost child who finally found his way and is blinded by the pleasure of being back to where he belongs. She soared like a bird…to the eternally blazing stars illuminating the night sky.

She went, not looking back to the place she once called home. She floated faster and faster..up to the sky where she will live eternally, alongside her own kind “the stars”… how did she lose her way and ended up on earth? She doesn’t know…part of her life was lost. But, it didn’t matter now that she’s home and know who she really is.

She gazed down on earth and remembered the life she once had there. The smell of flowers in early spring, the heat of the sun in summer, the frosty streets in winter, and the sensation of the autumn wind on her face.

She remembered the people she met, those whom she came to love and respect. Never did she imagine that someday she will have to say goodbye, for they will not see her again as she was before. But, in spite if the distance that lied between them, she will always be watching over them, from up there in the sky.

Thumping Heart

2008-12-31T22:55:00.005+04:00

The clock was ticking.

Tick..tock..tick..tock..

Time is passing by

My heart thumping with every passing moment that is never to come back again

How long is it going to take?

Tick..tock..

When is it going to happen?

Tick..tock..

The day me heart stops beating

The day my body turns cold, and is laid down in its final resting place

The day with no turning back

Am I ready for it?

Am I prepared to face God, my creator?

I wish I could..

2008-10-21T21:14:00.008+04:00

She stretched out her worn out body on the grass and gazed at the endless blue sky. She wished if she could just take off and fly like a falcon, drift in that endless space, and feel the winds so high in the sky. No restraints, no ties, no nothing. Just she and the wind and the sky …she could travel the world and no one could stop her, because she claimed the sky as her own and that was all that mattered to her.

In her dreams..she conquered the skies and nothing could hold her back. She’ll go up, up, and up until she could go no further, because it’s all hers’ now. Her freedom is all hers..it’s right there in her own hands..and she just realized it while she was dreaming of flying away into the sky. She finally saw that everyone held the key to their freedom. Unfortunately , a lot fail to see that..they are blinded by the walls they built around themselves in their own confinement, preventing themselves from seeing what’s beyond these thick walls..

It’s so simple yet very complicated. How she came to realize such a profound thing in a moment of immature desire. The desire to be a falcon that roams the skies forever.

The awakening

2008-10-06T17:16:00.001+04:00

I was walking down the road when I heard a quivering voice calling me..I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl’s…it sounded so soft yet full of determination. I looked around to see who is it, but I couldn’t find the caller..

”Where are you?” I said…”right here” the voice said..

Me: ”Where? I don’t see you?”

Voice: “I’m here..right in front of you”

Me: “kid..are you playing pranks on me? because if you are…”

Voice: “NO..NO..Im not…I swear”

Me: “then show yourself”

Voice: “ I can’t..”

Me: “why?”

Voice: “you have to see me…you should see me”

Me: “ kiddo.. I don’t have time to play with you. If you refuse to show yourself now..then I’m leaving”

Voice: “NO..don’t go..please stay”... “I’ll show myself. I’ll show you but don’t go..don’t leave me..not again”

Me: “again !?…what do you mean?”

at that moment I felt as if something was urging me to stay and listen to the voice…

Voice: “you left me once, and now that I found you..you want to leave again??”..“why are you being so heartless? You weren’t like that before..YOU ARE NOT LIKE THAT..go back to your previous self..stop pretending of being someone else”

Me: ...shaken.. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is me and I’m not pretending of being someone else that’s for sure”

Voice: “LIAR..STOP LYING TO YOURSELF..both of us here know that the person you claim to be now is not the real you..so stop lying”

That sentence the voice uttered was so powerful. Like an arrow..it pierced my heart and shook me to the core..and it hurt..hurt so much that I, the heartless one couldn’t stop my tears from falling down my cheeks. I realized at that moment who the voice was. It was my old self..my true and only self. The always smiling, naïve, childish me. The one I tried to conceal many years ago when I lost the one and only person who meant the world to me, believing that this will numb my unbearable pain. The person who loved me for who I am and accepted me despite my countless flaws was gone along with my old self..or so I thought.

Me: tears still falling “I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to..I didn’t know..”

Voice: “it’s O.K..don’t apologize. We all make mistakes”

Me: “but I..”

Voice: “don’t worry about it. I didn’t come here to torment you..I came to wake you up from your slumber before it was too late.”

Me:..silence..

Voice: “it’s your choice..you choose what you want to be. The sweet, loving and honest girl you once were? Or the new spiteful, and stone hearted one?”..

Me: “I want to go back to the way I was before..i don’t want to live the rest of my life claiming to be someone else”

Voice: “good girl..I knew you would make the right choice”

Me: wiping my tears

Voice: “My task is over now..I have to go”

Me: “wait don’t go..”

Voice: “I can’t stay any longer. You’re a strong girl and you can take care of yourself..but promise me that you’ll honor your choice for your loved ones sake, and always be true to yourself”

Me: “I promise..for my loved one it is”

Voice: “then it is goodbye”

Me: “farewell my friend”…

Little Boy

2008-09-26T22:22:00.001+04:00

The little boy stood by the cliff and gazed into the distant horizon. He listened to the sound of the waves striking the razor sharp rocks..like a distant explosion resonating in his ears, mind, and heart. How can he forget that day? That doomed day that left him all alone in this ruthless world fighting for his life. The fear, the pain, the sorrow..he can still feel it like it happened yesterday. The sickening stench of blood refuses to leave his memory. The images of the torched bodies are carved in his heart like its carved on stone. He had seen his mother, father and sister turn into ash and blown away by the wind . Countless times did he try to erase that memory, but it keeps coming back to him over and over again..and it never fails to stab his little heart. A light breeze brushed his cheeks, and his golden curls danced along with it…someone is calling him..but who is it?..he doesn’t recognize the voice. He turned his gaze towards the source of the voice..”Come to me child” an angel like maiden called..”Come to me and everything will be fine” she said. The boy, hypnotized by her piercing blue eyes, reached out his tiny hand and took hers..off he went with her..to the place where pain does not exist..However, reality hits him as he woke up from his trance..the maiden is gone, and the pain is there. He’s falling down..faster and faster..down he goes towards the raging waves of the deep blue sea..he shrieks but it’s too late to call for help, and all of a sudden..silence takes over and the only sound to be heard is the sound of waves.

Wandering Soul

2008-09-21T20:30:00.021+04:00

There she was..all alone..confined in a prison made out of thorns

shackled to the walls of loneliness and helplessness..What can she do??

“Thorns are there to protect you” they say..but that is far from the truth..

Suffocating her, oppressing her, and torturing her is what it does..

tearing her apart limb by limb until nothing is left but shreds of what was once her body.

Her corps is left alone to rot in the damp and cold prison cell.

Her soul departed from her body, but it is still clinging to the one place she hated the most..and she awaits

awaits those who caused her all the pain, fear, and sorrow, to come..

to realize the crime they’ve committed, and the slow and painful death they caused..

she awaits to claim her revenge.....

إبتهال..أغيب و ذو اللطائف لا يغيب

2008-09-09T00:04:00.009+04:00

أغيب وذو اللطائف لا يغيب وأرجوه رجاء لا يخيب

وأسأله السلامة من زمان بليت به نوائبه تشيب

وأنزل حاجتي في كل حال إلى من تطمئن به القلوب

فكم لله من تدبير أمر طوته عن المشاهدة الغيوب

وكم في الغيب من تيسير عسر ومن تفريج نائبة تنوب

ومن كرم ومن لطف خفي ومن فرج تزول به الكروب

ومن لي غير باب الله باب ولا مولا سواه ولا حبيب

كريم منعم بر لطيف جميل الستر للداعي مجيب

حليم لا يعاجل بالخطايا رحيم غيث رحمته يصوب

فيا ملك الملوك أقل عثاري فإني عنك أنأتني الذنوب

وأمرضني الهوى لهوان حظي ولكن ليس غيرك لي طبيب

فآمن روعتي واكبت حسودا فإن النائبات لها نيوب

وآنسني بأولادي وأهلي فقد يستوحش الرجل الغريب

ولي شجن بأطفال صغار أكاد إذا ذكرتهم أذوب

ولكني نبذت زمام أمري لمن تدبيره فينا عجيب

هو الرحمن حولي واعتصامي به وإليه مبتهلا أتيب

إلهي أنت تعلم كيف حالي فهل يا سيدي فرج قريب

فيا ديان يوم الدين فرج هموما في الفؤاد لها دبيب

وصل حبلي بحبل رضاك وانظر إلي وتب علي عسى أتوب

وراع حمايتي وتول نصري وشد عراي إن عرت الخطوب

وألهمني لذكرك طول عمري فإن بذكرك الدنيا تطيب

وقل عبد الرحيم ومن يليه لهم في ريف رأفتنا نصيب

فظني فيك يا سندي جميل ومرعى ذود آمالي خصيب

وصل على النبي وآله ما ترنم في الأراك العندليب

اللهم صلي و سلم و بارك على سيدنا محمد

Shantaram

2008-09-06T23:41:00.004+04:00

Shantaram, by Gregory Roberts, is a novel like no other. Of all the books and novels that I read none of them had an impact on me as much as this book. A lot of what he mentioned in the novel is undeniably true, which is why I can relate to what he says. His words has great depth, that one cannot help but be moved by them, influenced..and inspired.

The following are quotations from Shantaram which I believe are some of the most beautiful and meaningful quotes I’ve ever read.

“It took me a long time and most of the world to know what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn’t sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it’s all you’ve got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can be the story of your life.”

“At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread instead is that we won’t stop loving them, even after they are dead and gone.”

“Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised, and we can never know which one is which until we’ve loved them, left them, or fought them.”

“Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that’s all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that’s all we have - to hold on tight until the dawn”

“Be true to love where ever you find it, and be true to yourself and everything that you really are.”

The Voice Within

2008-09-03T16:40:00.003+04:00

Want to scream??...Do it...
Do it and shatter the walls of silence..
Let no one hold you captive..
Let no one break your soul
You’re free…deep within your heart..you are free
You hold the keys to your freedom
can you see it? ..It’s there right inside of you
Just search..and you’ll find it