The Ramblings of a Human Being

I’ve always believed that my presence and everything that I once believed in will vanish as soon as I my days on this earth will end. I thought that I, a mere human being, amongst billions of others couldn’t amount to something worthwhile unless I do something amazing.

However, now, many years later I realized that that is not necessarily true. If only I could thrust my hand into my chest, and wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. To see the enormity and strength by which it beats; pumping life into my veins. Giving me the power to love, to endure, to smile, to cry, to feel pain and joy and most importantly, to live.

I now know that I am not a footnote in someone else’s story; I am not the scribble on a margin. If life were a novel, I would be the beating heart. So, now I know to never underestimate myself. I am worthwhile, and no matter how insignificant my life might seem, I know that when I leave this world, I would have left an impression that would last an eternity. It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something; a simple piece of evidence that I have lived my life to the fullest.

What if?

One night I was standing by the beach, gazing at the endless deep blue horizon. The salt scented wind softly caressing my cheeks and lashes, while the blown away grains of sands were tingling my toes.

I thought to myself as I was shifting my gaze to the other blue expanse, “What a wonderful world?“ The night sky dotted with brilliant silver sparkles, turning the sky into a masquerade of light and joy.

As for the tumbling waves, they are and will always be a whole other story. The strength they could inspire if only people observed them a little bit more. How can a thing be so persistent and persevering?

Waves grow, and grow, and finally they crash; however they manage to leap up again with the same vigor, if not more!

I wondered what would happen to the world, if each person managed to be inspired by one speck of beauty in this place called Planet Earth! I’m pretty sure life would have been drastically different than it is now.

What if we peel of the residues that has accumulated over our hearts, and blinded us to the beauty that lies within our grasp?

What if every human being listened to the whispers of the wind?

What if every human being breathed in the aroma of life?

What if every human being looked with his heart of hearts rather than his eyes?

Wouldn’t life have much more meaning to it?

And you told me to..

“Dream” you said, “Dream and everything will be ok.”

“But the odds are against me, I cant over come them,” I said. “No, the odds are just stepping stones, you have to go on,” you replied.

For a moment I could breath again, and you smiled and told me, “It will be ok.” And I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. Days passed, weeks, and then years, but nothing changed. I became a haunted house of dreams and despair. You were gone, and there was no one else I could trust. Your words lingered in the air around me like specters from the netherworld.

At times I thought of giving up all hope; and sometimes I questioned whether I would ever succeed or not. “Maybe my dreams are not destined to see the light. Maybe I will never see them come to life.”

But, again and again, your words would flash over my mind and I’d remember you smiling at me, and telling me to, “Dream.”

And I Dreamed.

Beautiful Addiction

Ever since our eyes met, I knew you were the one

The one who will carry me up, and put me down

Who will kiss me good night, and tell me he loves me

Every night, every day, every second of the way

You’ll say you love me, and so do I

You were my prince, my angel in the sky
You were my friend, and you were my foe,
and I knew it all along

You are my beautiful addiction
You carry me up, and put me down
I push you away, and yet, I call you my lover

My beautiful addiction
just say you love me
and let me go

The Stages of Life

Yesterday, I was a child; today, I am a youth; tomorrow, I’ll be an old woman. Life is but stages, and the passage of time is inevitable. The person I was will never exist again. I reminisce over my previous life, and wish I could go back again, to relive the happy times, and to fix things that went wrong.

Alas, no matter how much I wish to go back and redo things, it will not feel right. Things are never the same again. Experiences change, people change, and most importantly, feelings change.

So I look on ahead of me. Live the moment; and hope for the future.

Old Friend

He put his ear against the earth and called, “Old friend, come back here; old friend, I miss you.” “I think of you every moment of the day. Oh, restless soul. What have I done to you?”

“Forgive me old friend. I should’ve known better.”

“I wish I could turn back time, and undo everything that I have done. I tried to come clean, but I gave up too soon, and I dragged you with me into the abyss.”

“I watched you burn. I watched you weep, but I pretended not to see.”

“Old friend, forgive me.”

He wakes up at night in a cold sweat. His heart beating fast, he could barely breath. He picks up the phone and tries to call. But reality strikes and he remembers then, that his friend is no longer here.

“Oh weary soul, I loved you. Because of you, I walked through fire and came out alive. But why haven’t you?” He wondered why wasn’t he who died. He missed his friend, his brother, his strength, and raging fire.

He prays here on his knees, to his friend that was once a living soul, and he says: “Old friend, I miss you.”

Please Remember Me

As the clock is ticking, salvation escapes me. It seems further and further away as I try to grasp its end with my outstretched hands.

I call for it with all my might with no avail. I implore whomever there maybe, to save me from the darkness that shrouds my whole being; turning me into an aimless zombie walking the surface of this earth.

“Somebody, please help me,” I call out…”save me.”
I beg forgiveness for all the sins that I have committed

Oh how fragile is the human heart when faced with such calamity!
“Please remember me; somebody please.”

I have tilled this sorrow deep within me, and this dark night seems endless.
“How shall I prevail?”

“Somebody please remember me. Pray for me. An unfortunate soul drowned in the deepest pits of darkness. A bottomless precipice.”

“Please remember me.”

What about life?

Life is there to be experienced. Look at the sun; feel the breeze; dance in the rain; remember to smile; don’t fear pain; build your dreams; and fall in love. This is life as it ought to be lived.

Pillar of my Soul

When I drowned in the depths of darkness
When I lost the last thread of hope
When my faith collapsed and turned into a heap of stones and dust

There you were.
A star leading my way in the midst of a pitch-black night
You were the moon that lit up the night sky with an endless silver light
You were the mighty mountain giving me strength to hold on

In the stillness of the night you came.
Silently into the depths of my soul
“I am here,” you said...“Always here, just bear it a bit more.”

You were my raging fire
driving me foreword to a future I dare not say
to a place I’ve only dreamt of

“I am here,” you said…”just hold on”
“Cast your doubts and go”
“Life is but a test and you shall prevail”
“Just hope and go on. Trust in God and go.”
“Spread your wings and fly”

I was a lost soul
and yet you gave me wings to fly
and put a smile on a face etched with crystal tears.

You are my eyes. You are the blood flowing in my veins. You are the pillar of my soul.

A fighter. That’s what you are.

Sometimes you put on your armor, and you march into the battlefield with your head held up high. You raise your mighty sword and fight like a lion. The battlefield is your kingdom. You reign over it. You own it.

The fire in your heart lights the night sky a crimson red.

You fight on and on, and you triumph against all odds.

At other times you struggle. You could barely lift your sword. Your shield weighs you down, and you falter. Your terrified you might lose. You cry tears of blood, and your wounds reopen. “What then?” you ask yourself. “What then?”

You go on fighting. You keep on moving. You came this far ahead and you can’t stop now. So, you fight.

You fight, when the sun is high in a cloudless sky.

You fight, in the midst of a great tempest.

You fight, with the strength of a raging fire.

And when you feel that your knees are about to buckle, and you’re about to collapse. Remember that you have been standing all this while, and you wouldn’t die in vain.

At least you fought till the end.

You lived a fighter. You died a fighter, and you shall be remembered as one, because that’s what you are.

The Boy with the Lemon Hair

His corpse lay under the rubble. A mound of broken bricks and shattered glass. The remnants of a neighborhood that is no longer.

His ashen face looking up at the sky as if asking whomever there may be, “Why?”..“Why did this have to happen?”

It was so peaceful, yet everything had to come tumbling down.

The bombs hit. A blinding white lights up the night sky. A thundering sound shakes heaven and earth, and then silence. Death creeps closer and starts tearing away life, one by one like picking out flowers in the field.

A girl comes closer and kneels next to the boy. Calls his name with no avail. Silence is all she hears. She shakes his body, and yet he doesn’t stir. Lifeless, he stares at the empty sky for a tomorrow that will never come.

His love, killed before it blossomed. His kiss, taken away abruptly. His dreams buried before they saw the light.

She will never hear “A kiss saumensch?” from the boy with the lemon hair again.

Inspired by: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

A Simple Question

“What’s the best thing one can do with his lips?” asked the wise man.

“Talk with it,” said the young man.

“No,” said the wise man.

“Then its eating” the young man said.

“No,” the wise man said with a sigh.

“Then what is it?” asked the young man

“Think a little bit more, and you’ll find the answer. Its easy,” said the wise man.

The young man thought for a little while but he didn’t come up with an answer. “I give up,” he said to the wise man. “Tell me what’s the best thing one can do with his lips.”

“Smile”, said the wise man. “That’s the best thing you could do with your lips.”

The young man smiled.

On loss

Cover my eyes. Cover my ears
Please don’t tell me your leaving
Please don’t let go and leave me here all alone.
Turn back the clock, and tell me this is a lie,
a nightmare and in time ill wakeup

The night is so long
And I try to be strong
But emotions inside me are swirling
I try to forget, and I try to let go
But the image of your face never leaves me

The feel of your touch, the sound of your voice
Lingers in my heart eternally
We vowed. “Until death do us apart.”
But I still can’t let go even after you left,
up to heaven where you belong.

“I miss the beat of your heart.”

The Countdown

Thump...thump..thump
You can hear my heart beating
You can hear it beating in my chest.
My life flashes before me, as the countdown to my life closes up
I’m petrified, but that won’t alter reality
Days pass like hours, hours pass like minutes, and minutes pass like seconds
I wonder. Will I see my loved ones again?
Will I be remembered?
Will time erase all traces of my existence?
I say a silent prayer. Time is passing by.
I cling to life, try to stop the countdown, but I’m pushed away
3..2..1..OVER

The Seven Deadly Sins: Pride

“Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” she said while looking at her reflection in the mirror. “Of coarse no one else but me. I have it all,” she thought. “I’ve got the money, the friends, the fame, and most importantly, I have the looks.” A deep breathy laugh fluttered over her lips, as she was twirling a lock of her hair around her index finger.

“They all want to be me..and why wouldn’t they? Am I not the most beautiful?” she said.

However, in the darkest corner of her room lurked a shadow, which she had failed to see due to her self-absorption.

“My beauty shall last forever. I will make it last forever,” she continued. The shadow crept closer and closer. Behind the headboard of her bed, around its leg, to the chair she was sitting on, behind her mirror, and then it stood still.

“It will last until eternity,” she said. As soon as she uttered those words, the shadow leaped foreword and spun around her neck. She tried to breath, but she couldn’t. She tried to scream, but no voice came out of her throat. The shadow tightened its grip, as her struggle grew weaker and weaker. Finally it let go, as her lifeless body hit the floor, and a thud was heard throughout the house.

The Hope on the Horizon

Darkness sometimes sweeps the lives of the oppressed. It envelops them whole in an endless void of nothingness. No dreams, no laughter, no chances exist; nothing but the suffocating and ominous aura of those who had given up. They gave up everything; their dreams, their happiness, and their lives with no fight, while lamenting their helplessness. They wish for someone to release them from their misery. But, when will that person come? Who will be their savior? In the midst of their lamentations they had lost sight of the golden rays of the sun that crept out in the horizon; illuminating the darkness that surrounded their lives for so long. But, blinded by their own darkness of heart they failed to see that glimmer of hope that appeared everyday with the rays of the sun. They failed to see the obvious.

Opposites

As the sun sets in the west; it rises in the east.

As death claims a life; a new one is born elsewhere.

As a tear trickles down a cheek; laughter is heard in the distance.

As a war cry echoes; a cry for peace sounds.

As we feel sorrow; we feel happiness.

Those are opposing things that cannot exist together, yet they cannot exist without each other.

A lifelong dream

She heard the cheers and applauds of the audience as she descended the flight of stairs that lead her to the stage. It was her first live performance. She was intoxicated with the fact that she, out of all the performers was chosen to perform in front of thousands of people. “This is my moment; I shouldn’t make a single mistake,” she thought. She was ready; until the curtain opened, and the spotlights shone on her. She froze, and didn’t know what to do. She forgot the words of her song; beads of sweat trickled down her spine. The audience hushed now; waited for her to start singing; anticipated her every move. She still didn’t utter a word. But, suddenly, a child came out of nowhere and rushed towards her on the stage while holding a rose. He stopped right in front of her, handed her the rose, grinned and said, “I want to be just like you when I grow up.” He turned around and ran back to where he stood, hidden among the audience. That little act of innocence from the little child brought her back to reality. The reality that she was here to perform for a reason; to make her lifelong dream come true, and that is to perform with all her heart for an audience who will listen and savor every note and sound that comes out of her mouth; and therefore she sang, the song that soothed the heart, expressed what cannot be expressed, and that healed the broken heart.

A split second of eternity

One of the strangest things about life is that sometimes you get the feeling that you are capable of living forever. This feeling manifests in many different and odd ways. It could be by seeing your child smile for the first time; seeing the sun rise across the horizon; feeling the night breeze on your face; smelling the sweet aroma of a flower; or even by seeing a stranger smiling back at you. However, it’s not the fact of living forever that counts; but the bliss and fulfillment that takes place in that split second of an unattainable dream.

The Harsh Truth

I opened my eyes to a pitch-black night. My whole body was enveloped in darkness like no other. I tried to feel my way through, but I stumbled and scabbed my knee on the sharp rocks. I stood up and started walking again, but I tripped on yet another rock. Again, I stood up and tried to focus my vision, in a failed attempt to glimpse something that could be my guide.

Suddenly an apparition appeared before me. “Who is it?” I asked my self..I looked harder, and there she was. “Its you” I called with a relief. “Finally someone I know”. But, as I was saying that she suddenly turned away and started walking to what seemed like a flicker of light..“Wait. Where are you going? And what’s that over there?” I called. She didn’t answer, and on and on she went not heeding my calls.

I ran after her trying to follow her into the light, but I bumped into something invisible and fell back. I stood up and ran towards the light, however, I fell back again as I hit that invisible wall front of me. I banged on it with my hands, kicked it, and threw anything my hands grasped towards it, but that thing did not budge nor break.

As fear started to creep into my heart, I started screaming and calling for that apparition to listen to me. “Please listen to me” I called. No answer. I fell on my knees as the tears started trickling down my cheeks.

All of a sudden, the apparition turned around and looked me straight in the eye. “STAND UP” she yelled. Dumbstruck, I just stood there looking at her face. “STAND UP” she yelled more forcefully this time. I stood up, dazed and not knowing what I should do. “Look at yourself” she said, “your pathetic”. I gave no answer, as I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“I don’t understand” I answered back, “Why am I pathetic?”..She snickered and said, “Look at what you’ve done to yourself. And you say you don’t understand!!”. I stared back with the same confused expression on my face. She started talking again. “You!! Called upon this darkness to yourself, and then you had the guts to ask others to help you get out of it”.. “You built your dreams, and then you’ve set the walls that blocked your way from achieving them, while blaming others for standing in your way”. “This darkness you see around you was created by you. That wall you hit just now was built by you”, she said. “That light over there is your only chance. You either break the walls around you with all your might and run to that light before it fades; or just give up now and drown in your own darkness of mind. It’s your choice. Fight for what you want or just give up this instant.”

At that moment it struck me. The painful truth that I had pushed away for so long, had tore away at my heart as I realized my own stupidity. All those years that I spent lamenting my unfulfilled dreams were a result of my own lack of real determination. I decided then and there to fight. To fight for my dreams or die trying. I raised my head to look at the apparition, but she was already gone with no trace of her ever being there.

I fought with all my might to break that wall and to dissipate the darkness that shrouded my mind for so long. Again, and again, and again I fought. Not giving up, until that wall was shattered, and that flicker of light shone brighter and brighter. Finally, the light enveloped me whole into its womb to give birth to my new self.

The new self that believed in dreams and that they do come true with perseverance, patience, and courage.

Remember this: Fight for your dreams or die trying.