Greif

It all came rushing back to me. Like a tidal wave, sweeping me off my feet and tossing me unto the sharp rocks. Piercing every inch of my body and flesh. Tearing me apart, limb-by-limb until nothing is left of me but shreds and pieces.

All the things that happened to me and I thought were long gone..came back pushing through the whirlwind in my mind..

What should I do? What can I do? How can I make it go away?

I don’t know. I’m lost in my thoughts. Thoughts drenched in darkness, grief, hatred, fear..unbearable pain.

It’s eating me alive. I can’t find my way..I cant fight it. I thought I let go of it long ago. But, it is there glaring at me, tormenting me and reminding me of my failures and flaws.

  When will the spark of dawn appear?

O’ star

She gazed up at the night sky and her soul floated upward, powerless against its seduction. Like a lost child who finally found his way and is blinded by the pleasure of being back to where he belongs.  She soared like a bird…to the eternally blazing stars illuminating the night sky.

She went, not looking back to the place she once called home. She floated faster and faster..up to the sky where she will live eternally, alongside her own kind “the stars”… how did she lose her way and ended up on earth? She doesn’t know…part of her life was lost. But, it didn’t matter now that she’s home and know who she really is.

She gazed down on earth and remembered the life she once had there. The smell of flowers in early spring, the heat of the sun in summer, the frosty streets in winter, and the sensation of the autumn wind on her face.

She remembered the people she met, those whom she came to love and respect. Never did she imagine that someday she will have to say goodbye, for they will not see her again as she was before. But, in spite if the distance that lied between them, she will always be watching over them, from up there in the sky.

 

Thumping Heart

The clock was ticking.

Tick..tock..tick..tock..

Time is passing by

My heart thumping with every passing moment that is never to come back again

How long is it going to take?

Tick..tock..

When is it going to happen?

Tick..tock..

The day me heart stops beating

The day my body turns cold, and is laid down in its final resting place

The day with no turning back

Am I ready for it?

Am I prepared to face God, my creator?

I wish I could..

She stretched out her worn out body on the grass and gazed at the endless blue sky. She wished if she could just take off and fly like a falcon, drift in that endless space, and feel the winds so high in the sky. No restraints, no ties, no nothing. Just she and the wind and the sky …she could travel the world and no one could stop her, because she claimed the sky as her own and that was all that mattered to her. 

In her dreams..she conquered the skies and nothing could hold her back. She’ll go up, up, and up until she could go no further, because it’s all hers’ now. Her freedom is all hers..it’s right there in her own hands..and she just realized it while she was dreaming of flying away into the sky. She finally saw that everyone held the key to their freedom. Unfortunately , a lot fail to see that..they are blinded by the walls they built around themselves in their own confinement, preventing themselves from seeing what’s beyond these thick walls..

It’s so simple yet very complicated. How she came to realize such a profound thing in a moment of immature desire. The desire to be a falcon that roams the skies forever.

The awakening

I was walking down the road when I heard a quivering voice calling me..I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl’s…it sounded so soft yet full of determination. I looked around to see who is it, but I couldn’t find the caller..

”Where are you?” I said…”right here” the voice said..

Me: ”Where? I don’t see you?”

Voice: “I’m here..right in front of you”

Me:  “kid..are you playing pranks on me? because if you are…”

Voice: “NO..NO..Im not…I swear”

Me: “then show yourself”

Voice: “ I can’t..”

Me: “why?”

Voice: “you have to see me…you should see me”

Me: “ kiddo.. I don’t have time to play with you. If you refuse to show yourself now..then I’m leaving”

Voice: “NO..don’t go..please stay”...  “I’ll show myself. I’ll show you but don’t go..don’t leave me..not again”

Me: “again !?…what do you mean?”

at that moment I felt as if something was urging me to stay and listen to the voice…

Voice: “you left me once, and now that I found you..you want to leave again??”..“why are you being so heartless? You weren’t like that before..YOU ARE NOT LIKE THAT..go back to your previous self..stop pretending of being someone else”

Me: ...shaken.. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is me and I’m not pretending of being someone else that’s for sure”

Voice: “LIAR..STOP LYING TO YOURSELF..both of us here know that the person you claim to be now is not the real you..so stop lying”

That sentence the voice uttered was so powerful. Like an arrow..it pierced my heart and shook me to the core..and it hurt..hurt so much that I,  the heartless one couldn’t stop my tears from falling down my cheeks. I realized at that moment who the voice was. It was my old self..my true and only self. The always smiling, naïve, childish me. The one I tried to conceal many years ago when I lost the one and only person who meant the world to me, believing that this will numb my unbearable pain. The person who loved me for who I am and accepted me despite my countless flaws was gone along with my old self..or so I thought.

Me: tears still falling “I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to..I didn’t know..”

Voice: “it’s O.K..don’t apologize. We all make mistakes”

Me: “but I..” 

Voice: “don’t worry about it. I didn’t come here to torment you..I came to wake you up from your slumber before it was too late.”

Me:..silence..

Voice: “it’s your  choice..you choose what you want to be. The sweet, loving and honest girl you once were? Or the new spiteful, and stone hearted one?”..

Me: “I want to go back to the way I was before..i don’t want to live the rest of my life claiming to be someone else”

Voice: “good girl..I knew you would make the right choice”

Me: wiping my tears

Voice: “My task is over now..I have to go”

Me: “wait don’t go..”

Voice: “I can’t stay any longer. You’re a strong girl and you can take care of yourself..but promise me that you’ll honor your choice for your loved ones sake, and always be true to yourself”

Me: “I promise..for my loved one it is”

Voice: “then it is goodbye”

Me: “farewell my friend”…   

Little Boy

The little boy stood by the cliff and gazed into the distant horizon. He listened to the sound of the waves striking the razor sharp rocks..like a distant explosion resonating in his ears, mind, and heart. How can he forget that day? That doomed day that left him all alone in this ruthless world fighting for his life. The fear, the pain, the sorrow..he can still feel it like it happened yesterday. The sickening stench of blood refuses to leave his memory. The images of the torched bodies are carved in his heart like its carved on stone. He had seen his mother, father and sister turn into ash and blown away by the wind . Countless times did he try to erase that memory, but it keeps coming back to him over and over again..and it never fails to stab his little heart. A light breeze brushed his cheeks, and his golden curls danced along with it…someone is calling him..but who is it?..he doesn’t recognize the voice. He turned his gaze towards the source of the voice..”Come to me child” an angel like maiden called..”Come to me and everything will be fine” she said. The boy, hypnotized by her piercing blue eyes, reached out his tiny hand and took hers..off he went with her..to the place where pain does not exist..However, reality hits him as he woke up from his trance..the maiden is gone, and the pain is there. He’s falling down..faster and faster..down he goes towards the raging waves of the deep blue sea..he shrieks but it’s too late to call for help, and all of a sudden..silence takes over and the only sound to be heard is the sound of waves.

Wandering Soul

There she was..all alone..confined in a prison made out of thorns

shackled to the walls of loneliness and helplessness..What can she do??

“Thorns are there to protect you” they say..but that is far from the truth..

Suffocating her, oppressing her, and torturing her is what it does..

tearing her apart limb by limb until nothing is left but shreds of what was once her body.

Her corps is left alone to rot in the damp and cold prison cell.

Her soul departed from her body, but it is still clinging to the one place she hated the most..and she awaits

awaits those who caused her all the pain, fear, and sorrow, to come..

to realize the crime they’ve committed, and the slow and painful death they caused..

she awaits to claim her revenge.....